I’m going to try something new for this Bond-a-Thon update: Liveblogging. I’m not a big fan of liveblogging usually, with the exception of Tech/Videogame conferences, but I want to try something new. It might come across as some snarky, nonsensical “MST3K” debauchery, but it might also be somewhat enlightening in terms of the Bond movie-viewing experience.

Or it could be neither, and end up being some rant on underwater harpoon battles. We’ll see!

00:00:27 - Pretty cool opening shot, with the gun barrel pointing at JB. Not sure who it is, but they must’ve been ki… yes, they were killed. Kind of — JB is obviously James Bond, and he’s watching over it all from the balcony.

00:01:23 - Ah, the first sexual innuendo. Zing point for Bond.

00:03:00 - Who is this Colonel Bouvar and why is he cross-dressing?

00: 03:50 - Annnnnd the ol’ jetpack escape. Makes sense to keep a jetpack on the roof, just in case you need to make that 60 yard trip to the car.

00:05:00 - Cue the Tom Jones theme song. This has to be the definition of “swanky.” I’m also getting a touch of “burlesque” as well. Tom Jones is the man.

00:08:25 - Any guy who wears an eye patch is evil. This is a standard villain rule.

00:10:00 - Villain meeting. Hello, Austin Powers inspiration - complete with Blofeld stroking his cat, the numbered “underbosses,” yadda yadda. Trying to keep my brain focused on the time period; the Cold War, crime empires, etc. Largo (eye patch guy) is apparently #2 in SPECTRE, under Blofeld.

00:16:00 - Bond is being tortured on a spine correction device, aka The Rack; it’s movement simulates humping. Ironic, for James Bond?

00:24:20 - A harpsichord in the James Bond “looking-for-clues” theme? Well, it definitely makes me feel a little more intrigued - I like it. I wonder if there’s been any harpsichord in the newer Bonds? I can’t remember any.

00:26:30 - I’m approaching the 30 minute point, and I don’t think there’s been any acknowledgment of Bond’s role in the overall plot. He’s just getting massages, sexed, and tortured. Sure, he killed one of the SPECTRE members in the beginning, but no one seems to be doing anything about it yet.

00:31:00 - I’m not sure how feasible this jet fighter landing on water really is… but it is damn awesome. The underwater shots of the jet floating on the surface, and then sinking, are especially nice. Maybe they’re using miniatures. I can’t tell.

00:33:30 - Just noticed on the side of the nuclear bomb, “HANDLE LIKE EGGS.” Nice.

00:37:15 - When asked what kind of job Bond has, he replies “Licensed Troubleshooter”. Again, nice.

00:41:34 - FINALLY, James Bond is really brought into the main plot. Also, the massive wall map seems like a huge waste of money. Just sayin’.

00:45:00 - First impressions of Domino, the primary Thunderball Bond Girl: Meh. Kind of lacking in personality.

00:55:00 - The harpsichord returns. Maybe I just didn’t realize that it’s always been there.

00:58:37 - Hell yes! Shark attack on a Largo cronie! Where are the lasers on their heads? (Kidding)

00:59:36 - Q! Wearing a silly pineapple shirt! Equipping Bond in the field with… a Geiger counter watch, an infrared underwater camera, a flare pistol, an pocket-size underwater breathing device, and a homing signal in a pill. I think this is the biggest Q inventory yet.

01:09:30 - Felix Leiter looks particularly “Tourist Dad”-ish

01:13:25 - Classic James Bond hardass moment: Tells Largo to call for a skeet to be launched, half-looks with the rifle at his side, shoots the skeet. “Seems terribly difficult. *shoots skeet* No it isn’t, is it?”

01:25:00 - I definitely did not remember that Bond gets shot. Hmph. And I’ve seen this parade for the last 15 minutes it seems… WTF is this parade even for? Did I miss the parade explanation earlier, or do people who live on tropical islands just have parades to celebrate themselves?

01:27:15 - RANDOM DOG PEEING ON THE STREET! It’s even better because it’s during a high-tension chase scene. It’s so real.

01:33:00 - The stingray that Bond observes from the helicopter has an obnoxiously awesome tail. He’s swinging and whipping it all around above the water. I want to meet this stingray. He probably has an awesome name like Kisses, or Butterball, or something. Also, Tourist Dad Leiter returns… in the exact same outfit he was wearing earlier.

01:36:00 - The corpses in the drowned plane look surprisingly healthy and composed, for being underwater for days. Am I surprised by this oversight? Not really.

01:37:45 - Did… Did James Bond and Domino just do the deed while scuba diving? Is that was that giant burst of bubbles symbolized? (15-second later update: YES.)

01:38:20 - Easily the quote of the movie: “That’s the first time I’ve tasted women; they’re rather good.” Domino’s reply quote: “You’re the only man to ever make me cry.” AWOOOOOOGA!

01:47:30 - All of this underwater fight choreography is pretty impressive.

01:54:10 - All of these Marines (I’m assuming they’re Marines?) parachuting in reminds me of the helicopter village raid scene in Apocalype Now. And so begins the giant harpoon battle. Can’t say I’ve seen too many of these.

02:00:00 - I can’t really remember ever seeing this much blood in a Bond movie.

02:07:30 - Domino kills Largo with a harpoon. Boat blows up. Yay.

02:09:23 - Awesome escape via seaplane balloon catcher!

So liveblogging, eh? I kind of dug it. Probably not an “every-Bond-movie” thing to do, but a nice diversion. Keeps things on their toes. Thing toes.